How to Overcome Social Anxiety

Home | Previous Page

That last exercise has demonstrated the first step of how to overcome social anxiety. We have only spent limited time with one energy, but during a self paced session you can spend as much time with an energy as you wish, or repeat the same process for a variety of situations that cause you social discomfort.

Be aware that you may often come across energies that you are not comfortable at all with placing your awareness on. This is especially true in the beginning, given that much of your social anxiety can be attributed to the fact that you have feelings of anxiety that you've spent years trying to AVOID. However, THOSE energies are some of the most rewarding ones to spend time with. Directly observing energies takes self discipline, and may at times be very uncomfortable. But your capacity to elevate your emotional state and overcome social anxiety will be in direct measure to your ability to extend your observation into the realm of discomfort. For this reason, the best time to engage this first exercise is actually in the period just before, during, or just following a situation that has caused social anxiety to occur. Therefore, whenever you notice social anxiety and can safely do so, immediately engage this first exercise if possible.. Face that anxiety directly by feeling it as completely as possible, and not trying to avoid or suppress it. Greet your inner sensations, accept them, observe them, and be with them. This new mental habit will soon prevent social anxiety from growing out of control.

Once you've been practicing this first method for awhile, you might even try placing yourself into a situation that causes social anxiety for you, and implement your self-listening technique while doing so. For example, there was a time when was quite literally petrified of speaking in front of groups. After learning this technique, I started to apply it to my fear of speaking. If I happened to know in advance that I would be giving a speech, I would mentally project myself into the future situation, and practice this method with the energies that arose. Then, as the time to speak approached, I would continue actively listening to my energies as I prepared. Then, even while speaking I would keep some mental awareness on the anxiety energies arising inside me. Whereas previously I would probably have tried to suppress such energies, which would result in disaster, I could now handle all those reactions flowing into and through me. Even if I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest, I could simply feel it and continue speaking calmly. What would have previously become energy overload remained an easily manageable reaction. With time, as I became more confident in this new ability, the fear that was causing anxiety reaction eventually dissolved away, along with my fear of speaking in general.

It may initially seem like it would be difficult to focus your awareness inwardly when involved in an external activity like interacting, but you will find that after practice this method for awhile, maintaining partial inner awareness is not only possible, but very beneficial. Obviously you won't be able to engage in the complete inner dialog as we did earlier, but an accepting awareness is usually all you need for managing such situations. While my example of public speaking did allow some preparation time, you can also apply this technique to unanticipated situations. Just practice keeping a portion of your mental awareness on your inner energies, observe them, and accept their presence. Again, try intentionally engaging yourself in interactions that cause social anxiety, just to practice observing the sensations.

Life is full of events that make us feel one way or another. Increasing your ability to tolerate such situations, and your inner reactions, is an amazing step forward in becoming the person of your full potential. If you can handle anything in your inner world, you can handle anything in your outer world. Every time you push yourself into directly observing social anxiety sensations and symptoms, the benefits of your efforts will grow, and social anxiety itself will dwindle. You'll be surprised how quickly self empowerment is created as you expand your tolerance for emotional energies. It's similar to exercising -- running a mile might wipe you out the first time you go jogging. But as you practice little by little on a daily basis, you quickly extend your limits and find yourself comfortably able to run further each day. It's the same with this technique.

Before we move on, I'd like to say the anyone who is only reading this material without trying it: Don't make the mistake of just reading about this process and judging its value without experiencing it. If you are only going to read, then you're wasting your time. Also, for anyone who is thinking that this process sounds similar to just feeling an emotion, please note that there is a HUGE difference. If you're suffering from anxiety, the manner in which you're currently feeling and interacting with adverse emotions is most certainly one of avoidance. This means that when there is a situation or thought creating anxiety within you, you probably try to avoid the situation or suppress the emotional reaction. But in this exercise, you are learning to consciously and completely feel the uncomfortable energy. Some other anti-anxiety programs teach methods of or peaceful visualizations. However, relaxation is NOT our objective. To the contrary, we're visualizing a feared social situation for the purpose of simulating and fully observing the discomfort without emotional avoidance (ironically, relaxation is often a nice side-effect). It's this process that boosts tolerance levels for emotional energies like social anxiety, as well as for the situations that cause them to arise.

NEXT PAGE: Overcoming Social Anxiety [continued]