Coping with Social Anxiety

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A healthy self-esteem, or positive regard for yourself, is vital for coping with social anxiety and eventually conquering it. Acceptance of yourself gives you space to make mistakes -- you won't worry so much about appearing perfect to others if you're already okay with yourself. Imagine what this can do for social anxiety --Would you be worried about saying something silly, or embarrassing yourself, if it didn't matter to you what others thought of you? Would there be any reason to fear rejection if you where already so supportive of yourself that no one else's criticism could touch you? Imagine that no one's judgment could emotionally affect you because your sense of self-worth was already un-moveable. In that mindset you would be able to feel completely relaxed around other people and just be yourself -- able to speak freely about what you feel. In being able to show people who you are, you'd start making real connections, because hen you're OK with who you are and what's on the inside, then you don't try to hide it. It's much easier to simply act yourself. You begin to feel authentic. And it's for all those reasons that self-esteem is a major key to overcoming social anxiety.

So how can we cultivate such rock solid self-esteem? The key once again is to adjust the communication style that you engage in with yourself. In general, think about how you would hope that your most supportive and encouraging friend would communicate with you, and then use that manner of communication for own self-dialog. Instead of relying on other people and outside voices for your emotional support system, and instead of seeking friends out when you're not feeling good, imagine the type of emotional energy and words you would hope to hear from them, turn your attention inwardly, and continually give those thoughts and words to yourself.

If we completely depend on other people for supportive messages to maintain our self-esteem, then the opposite - criticism or negativity - will just as easily diminish our self esteem. Therefore, in order to liberate yourself from the daily onslaught of uncontrollable and negative external messages that can destroy self-esteem, stop looking outside of yourself for approval. Begin now to rebuild your self-esteem from the inside by communicate thoughts of self acceptance to yourself.

Before moving into the affirmations, I'd like to mention another powerful method of instilling new thought patterns - which is by speaking your thoughts to yourself in the 2nd person. For example, instead "I am a confident person", you would say, "James, you are a confident person" (replace "James" with your name). Just close your eyes, direct your awareness inwardly, and say the statement to yourself. It's like you're speaking the words from the center of your head into your body and all the energies that make up your being. It's almost as if a third party is making the statements about you. An outside (objective) statement is often what our subconscious finds most believable, and speaking inwardly to yourself in this manner is a great way to simulate that effect. Outside influences inspired many of your subconscious perceptions in the first place, and this technique of speaking to yourself is basically replacing those uncontrollable outside messages with your own more enlightened ones. Furthermore, the focus of concentration on your inner being naturally leaves almost no room for distracting thoughts, and therefore makes for a powerful impact on your subconscious mind.

This next exercise should give you a good idea of the type of self dialoging you can engage to start elevating your self-esteem. For this exercise, you should be in a seated position, in an area free from distractions. The exercise should not be performed while driving or operating machinery.

Close your eyes now and focus your awareness inwardly. Repeat the following phrases, speaking from the center of consciousness in your head out into your body and mind. Replace the word Self with your name.

• Self, I love and accept you unconditionally as you are
• Self, I admire and support the person you are choosing to become.

Be sure to speak the phrases with genuine and absolute sincerity - a feeling that you really mean what you're saying:

• Self, I am alright with who you are.
• Self, my most important relationship is with you.
• Self, I think positively when I am with you. I enjoy spending time with you.
• Self, you are truly my best friend, and I am your best friend.
• Self, I support you and stand by you no matter what happens, at all times.
• Self, I will always be with you as you go through your fears.
• Self, you now ignore outer criticism. That I love you is what matters.
• Self, if someone criticizes or doesn't like you, that is their problem.
• Self, I am committed to supporting and encouraging you at all times.
• Self, you have the capacity to achieve your goals; You can do it.
• Self, I now congratulate and compliment you often.
• Self, you are doing a great job. I am proud of you for the progress you have made
• Self, I am your comforter, and you are my comforter
• Self, you are now the one I run to when I'm feeling down, and I am the one you run to
• Self, there are so many wonderful things about you.
• Self, I admire and love the humanness within you. I value your imperfections.
• Self, you deserve good things in life. You deserve success.
• Self, I look out for your well-being; I stand up for you.
• Self, I love you and accept you no matter what happens.

With attention still focused inwardly, take a couple minutes to just feel your inner energies, and try to project the pure energy of love to yourself... Feel an energy of complete acceptance for yourself. Then appreciation, admiration and positive emotions. Mentally project those energies inwardly to yourself for a couple minutes.

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