A healthy self-esteem, or regard for oneself, is vital in overcoming anxiety. Boosting self esteem could be regarded as the most powerful social anxiety treatment.
Acceptance of yourself gives you the freedom to make mistakes. You don't have to try to appear perfect to others if you're already OK with yourself. Imagine what this can do for social anxiety. Would you be afraid of saying something stupid or embarrassing yourself if didn't matter to you what others thought? Would you fear rejection if you where already so supportive and loving of yourself that no one else's negative criticism could affect you? Imagine what it would be like if no one's judgment could emotionally touch you because your sense of self-worth were already so rock solid. You'd be able relax around others. You'd be able to freely tell people what you think and feel, let them know who you are, and start making real connections. You see, when you're OK with what's inside you, you don't try to hide it from others. And in that environment, it's much easier to act and feel authentic, and interact socially without anxiety.
It's for all these reasons that improving self-esteem is a major key to reducing social anxiety.
So how can we cultivate that unsinkable self-esteem? The key once again is to improve your communication with yourself. Consider the manner in which you would hope that your best, most supportive, encouraging, and trustworthy friend (even if imaginary) would communicate with you, and adopt this manner of communication for speaking to yourself. Instead of relying on others for your emotional support and seeking them out when things are bad, imagine what type of emotional energy and words you would wish to receive from them, turn your attention inward, and give it to yourself. You'll find this to be a quite soothing social anxiety treatment.
If we depend on supportive messages from other people for our self-esteem, then the opposite, criticism or negativity towards us, will logically eat away at self esteem. But the truth is, those who judge, mistreat, or otherwise act negatively toward others are probably just acting from their own insecurities, which usually has nothing to do with us. The mere fact that the person is acting out of ill-will is enough to show that they are of the unenlightened mentality that you wouldn't want to base your sense of self-worth on. In order to free yourself from the daily barrage of uncontrollable external messages that can destroy self-image like this, start building your foundation of self-esteem from the inside. Stop looking outside yourself for approval, and communicate your own thoughts of self acceptance to your inner being.
Know that loving yourself is the key to real and enduring contentment, and is also a foundation for stable relationships and friendships. You must have love for yourself in order to have extra love to give to others. And you'll be more likely to accept love from others when you already believe yourself worthy of it.
The following exercise should give you a good idea of the type of self dialoging you can engage in to take charge of your own self-esteem.
This next segment should not be performed while driving or operating machinery. You should be in a seated position, in an area free from distractions. If that's not possible right now, please skip to the next section and return to this one later. Otherwise, close your eyes now and turn your awareness inward. Relax and be aware of the overall energy in your body. Repeat the following phrases, speaking from the center of consciousness in your head down into your entire body and being. Replace the word "self" with your name.
• Self, I love you. I accept you unconditionally as you are.
• Self, I love the person you are choosing to become.
• Self, I am OK with the person you are.
• Self, I am interested in you, and want to know you better.
• Self, I consider spending time with you and knowing you a high priority.
• Self, my most important relationship is with you.
• Self, I enjoy being with you. I enjoy your company.
• Self, I think positively when I am with you. I now enjoy time with you.
• Self, you are my best friend; I am your best friend.
• Self, I stand up for you as your best friend.
• Self, I support you and stand by you no matter what.
• Self, I always stand by you. I am with you through everything.
• Self, I will always be with you as you move through any fear.
• Self, you can now ignore outer criticism. That I love you is all that
matters.
• Self, if someone insults or doesn't like you, this is their problem.
• Self, I am committed to encouraging you as your most supportive friend.
• Self, I give you supportive thoughts at all times.
• Self, you can achieve your goals, you can do it.
• Self, I compliment you and congratulate you often.
• Self, you are doing a great job. I am proud of you.
• Self, I congratulate you for the progress you have made.
• Self, I know that you are constantly attempting to be your best.
• Self, you are my comforter, I am your comforter.
• Self, you are the one I run to; I am the one you run to.
• Self, there are so many good things about you. You are special.
• Self, I appreciate the humanness within you.
• Self, I appreciate your humanness and imperfections.
• Self, I no longer compare you to others.
• Self, I know you will not always be perfect.
• Self, it is okay when you make mistakes. You move on.
• Self, you deserve good things. You deserve success.
• Self, I stand up for you. I look out for you.
• Self, you and I are a team.
• Self, you and I can accomplish anything.
• Self, the world and all it offers is now yours.
• Self, I love you no matter what.
While your attention is still focus inward, take a moment and just feel your inner energies. Now, instead of speaking, try to project the energy of Love to yourself. Feel the energy of complete acceptance, appreciation, admiration and other components of love, and mentally project that inwardly to yourself. Try this now.
If it helps, you can silently speak the words, "self, I love you and appreciate you" as you project the energy of love into your body. Feel these energies flowing now, for 10 seconds or so at least, experience the powerful anxiety treatment. If you'd like to spend more time, please do so. Otherwise you may open your eyes and return to the reading now.
A frequent weak link in self-esteem is physical appearance. Negativity about our looks can create self doubts and nervousness that leads to social anxiety. But you'll find it easier to act confidently around others if you at least feel OK about your looks. While beauty is relative, self-confidence makes you more attractive no matter what. Even if you suffer from a poor self-image, start to change that by just appreciating the physical traits you do like about yourself. I'm sure you have at least something you like about your body, even if it's just the shape of your earlobe! Take a moment now and list all the things that you like about your appearance. Maybe your eye color, the shape of your fingers, WHATEVER. After you've identified some of those things, turn your awareness inward once more and tell yourself what it is you like about your appearance. For every other part of your body, tell yourself that you are OK with it, that you appreciate it's uniqueness, that it is special because it is yours, and that there is beauty in any imperfection.
