Anxious people often don't like to be alone - they often experience loneliness. The reason for this is that solitude provides a lot of time to think, and as a negative thinker, this translates into a lot of time to create anxiety and discomfort for oneself. Solitude becomes self-torture. But anxiously avoiding the sensations of loneliness creates a litany of problems itself, including neediness of others. You'll be more likely to cling onto dysfunctional relationships if you fear solitude, and less able to set boundaries with people who use or manipulate you. You may neglect your own needs as you attempt to constantly stay engaged in some sort of social contact. You might agree to perform numerous favors for friends in fear of losing companionship if you refuse to help out, only to later become stressed with the burden, and anxious with the possibility of losing companionship if you can't complete the favors.
So how can we help overcome anxiety induced loneliness? Well, remember why you feel better around certain people: It's because you think differently around them. This is the same reason you may run to the comfort of others when you're feeling lonely - the thoughts you have in their presence relieves your anxiety. But once again, you can do this for yourself. You can be your own comforter - one that you can always rely on for that "safe place" feeling wherever you are. In the next section we'll learn some self dialog that really works well for this. For now, know that overcoming loneliness is just one more reason to commit to producing more positive, self-supportive thoughts - in this case, especially when you're by yourself. Doing so is the key to overcoming loneliness. Once you can enjoy your own company, you'll reduce emotional dependency on others, and be in a much better position to interact socially in a healthy, "non clingy" manner.
Repeat the following phrases out loud. Put as much emotional energy behind them as you can gather.
• I have learned to enjoy my own
• To overcome the anxiety of loneliness, I simply change my thinking while alone.
• I now think positive thoughts and positive possibilities when I am with myself.
• By creating positive expectations, I reduce anxiety causing fears.
• I do not need to avoid being alone, because I can enjoy being by myself.
• When I feel anxiety, I do not run from it by seeking social diversion.
• I know how to provide my own anxiety help.
• When I fear being alone, I know it's just old habit and can go through it.
• With my ability to be happy alone, I am already a complete person.
• I can go anywhere and do anything by myself and feel confident.
• When I take care of my emotional self first, and can most effectively give to others.
• With my ability to be alone, I can approach people with no fear of rejection.
• If other people don't accept or like me, this is their problem.
• I like the person I am, and accept myself completely.
• I treat myself as a loving, supportive friend would.
• As I work towards my objectives, I give myself positive reinforcement.
• I frequently give myself praise, encouragement, and support.
• When I accomplish a goal, I turn inward and congratulate myself.
• I spend time listening to my inner self and know myself well.
• The key to connecting with other is connection with myself.
• I am becoming a better friend to myself every day.